Why most flying monkeys aren't acting maliciously
Most people in this role genuinely believe the one-sided story they were given — they're not usually conspiring against you, they're responding to a convincing account that left out the parts that would change their mind.
The common scripts they carry
'They're really struggling because of you,' 'can't you just give them another chance,' or 'I heard their side and it's not fair what you did' are typical lines — each one applying someone else's expected guilt without the sender having to say it themselves.
Why it works even on people who like you
It's genuinely hard to disbelieve someone who seems distressed and has a specific, detailed story — the flying monkey's trust in the manipulator is being borrowed, not earned by the situation itself.
What actually helps when you're on the receiving end
You generally don't owe a detailed defense to someone who wasn't there — a short, calm 'I hear that you've heard their side, I'm not going to relitigate this through you' keeps the real conflict where it belongs, without recruiting the messenger into it either.
If the same friends and family keep getting pulled into this role repeatedly, it's worth telling them directly what's actually happening — most people don't want to be used as a pressure tactic, and naming it plainly often ends their participation faster than any argument would.
Recognizing the pattern in general helps. Naming who's been recruited into your situation most recently is the harder, more useful thing to look at. Name that person, in OLENRI