Why it develops even when the big blowups are rare
The state can form from infrequent but intense reactions just as easily as from constant ones — if the cost of getting it wrong is high enough, the brain starts managing for the possibility, not just the frequency.
What it costs, even when nothing 'bad' happens that day
The vigilance itself is exhausting, whether or not a reaction ever actually comes — constantly scanning and editing yourself is a real cognitive and emotional load, separate from whatever the other person actually does.
Why it often gets mistaken for keeping the peace
Managing someone's reactions can look, from outside, like just being considerate or easygoing — but there's a real difference between normal consideration and shaping your entire behavior around avoiding someone's volatility.
What it's worth asking yourself
Whether this level of caution exists in other relationships too, or only around this specific person, usually clarifies whether the issue is a general sensitivity or a specific, learned response to how this person actually behaves.
Noticing that you walk on eggshells around someone isn't an accusation — it's information about a real pattern in that relationship that's worth naming directly, ideally with support, rather than continuing to manage alone.
Recognizing the feeling in general helps. Naming the specific topic you most avoid bringing up is the harder, more useful thing to look at. Name that topic, in OLENRI