Conflict either disappears or explodes — nothing in between
Watch for a pattern of stonewalling on one end or disproportionate blowups on the other, with very little of the calm, direct middle ground where most disagreements actually get resolved.
Apologies that aren't really apologies
'Sorry you feel that way' or 'sorry, but you also...' shift responsibility back onto you instead of actually acknowledging what happened — a repeated pattern here is more telling than any single tense conversation.
Their mood sets the temperature for the whole room
If everyone else has to manage their feelings around one person's mood, rather than that person managing their own reactions, that's a specific, learnable skill gap, not just a personality quirk.
Why it's easy to mistake for a 'bad day' at first
Everyone has occasional immature moments — the distinguishing factor is whether this is the exception in an otherwise steady person, or the actual, repeating pattern underneath the good days.
This describes a pattern of behavior, not a fixed trait — some people genuinely grow into more emotional maturity, usually with real effort and often with therapy. The relevant question isn't whether someone is capable of growing, it's whether they actually are, right now.
Recognizing the pattern in general is useful. Naming the last specific disagreement and how it actually ended is the harder, more useful thing to look at. Look at that disagreement, in OLENRI